


But Once a Year

by The_Plaid_Slytherin



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: Episode Remix, Episode: s03e15 A Day In The Life, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-02
Updated: 2012-06-02
Packaged: 2017-11-06 13:54:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/419639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Plaid_Slytherin/pseuds/The_Plaid_Slytherin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Saul hated the Bill's anniversary.</p>
            </blockquote>





	But Once a Year

Saul hated Bill's anniversary. It never failed to awaken inside him an ugly jealous streak that had mostly lain dormant for eighteen years. It had been bad enough when she'd been alive, never getting far enough away that he could forget about her. 

Now, though. Now, it was like Bill felt he needed to keep her memory alive. 

Which, Saul couldn't blame him for—there were times he couldn't get Ellen out of his head. 

But Saul really hated Bill's anniversary, from the moment of waking up alone to that brushoff in the morning, pretending they weren't anything more than just best friends, like how it had been when Bill was married.

"Always in the backseat, aren't you? The XO, the best man. His Number Two."

"Shut up," Saul muttered, pulling the hatch closed forcefully. "What, you gonna bother me all day? Isn't your beef with him?"

CarolAnne just smiled.

**

"Really, I just wish you didn't think I didn't know. I'm not stupid."

Saul tossed the file down on his desk. " _I_ knew you knew. Bill was the one who thought we were being clever hiding it." 

"And he was usually so good about balancing his checkbook until he had something to hide. It was like he wanted to get caught." She perched on the edge of his desk. "What are you working on today?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Not like you to care."

"Not like you to be so diligent with the duty schedule. Trying to show him what a good boy you are?"

Saul gave her a dirty look. 

"Hey," she said, I'm not criticizing. I wish my husband had paid half the attention to his children as you pay to the CO2 scrubber. Maybe I should've married you."

Saul snorted and went back to checking the requested parts. "That would've lasted what, a week?"

"Might have been better. It would have sworn me off officers."

"Oh, no, they're not getting a separator for this. They can make do with two—"

"You're no better than him, ignoring me." 

"I'm _trying_ to do my job." Saul put his pen down. "Is this supposed to keep me in line somehow? Remind me that just because you happen to be _dead_ doesn't mean he's mine at all? I can see whose ring he's got on just as well as you can." 

"Oh, you can _see_ , can you." She smirked.

Saul suddenly remembered his eyepatch and looked away, face burning. There were times when he could just about feel like he could forget about it and then he got reminded of it like this. Damn.

He rubbed the skin beneath the patch. 

"Are you sure he doesn't mind?"

Saul froze and looked up at her. "Say that again," he said in a low voice.

"I said." She repeated herself, enunciating carefully. "Are you sure he doesn't mind?"

"My eye." It wasn't a question, and Saul hated her—or whatever part of his subconscious she was—for doing this to him. On today of all days, when he had the most doubt. 

She nodded. 

Saul picked his pen back up again and went back to work. "He doesn't mind. He's said."

"Oh, _has_ he?"

"It's none of your business."

"Saul, if you think he isn't just saying that to make you feel better, you're more of a fool than I took you for. What is he _supposed_ to say? That he can't stand to look at you with it off?"

Saul twitched, remembering their first time after New Caprica, when he'd gone to take the patch off and Bill had waved his hand away, saying, " _No, you don't have to do that_."

"Did I touch a nerve?" CarolAnne asked.

Saul stood, chair scraping. He slammed the binder with the filtration schematics in it shut and went to return it to its shelf. 

"You and I both know the kinds of situations he lies in," she went on, not moving from Saul's desk. "I was always better than you at spotting them, though. I suppose that's because I spent more time with him, made a home with him."

Saul pawed through the books on the shelf like he didn't know what he was looking for, like he actually needed to consult an operations manual to do his job. 

"Did you want that?"

"Want what?"

"A home with him? A family?"

Saul paused again. He hadn't thought about that in years, not since he'd been recommissioned. He'd never let himself think about it much, though. Marrying Bill, settling down, buying a house.

"I don't like kids," he said.

She came up behind him. "You liked Zak."

Saul closed his eye. He hadn't thought about that in years, either, how Zak—for gods only knew what reason—had looked up to him. 

"You never owned up to it, did you?"

"To what?"

She laughed harshly. "For tearing our family apart. Lee always resented you, but Zak never did. My poor naïve Zak. Never realized what his beloved Uncle Saul really was."

Saul stepped away from her and stomped over to his locker. He didn't mess around with a glass and took a swig right out of the bottle. The next thing he knew, CarolAnne was right by his elbow.

"I don't know why you'd envy me," she said coolly. "You got Bill in the end. Together while the world ends, what could be more romantic?"

Saul grabbed a glass out of his locker and filled it. "We all got problems, lady. I'll be living with you until the day I die."

**

The call about Cally and the Chief woke him up from a nap on his desk. He couldn't even remember falling asleep.

It figured, though. The day he intended to throw himself into his work, he wound up sleeping most of it away.

Well, he could make up for it. Better get down to Airlock 12 and start praying this day didn't end up any worse than it already was.

**

Saul sat on his rack, staring at his watch, waiting for the display to click over.

23:59 Martius 15.

0:00 Martius 16.

He got up and headed for Bill's quarters.

The evening watch marines were still on duty in front of Bill's quarters, thank Fortuna. In the event that things went well, he'd be able to spend the night, as the evening crew would go off duty soon and the night crew would come on without even knowing he was in there. 

He waited for the corporal—Saul couldn't remember the kid's name—to call in to Bill and open the hatch.

Saul entered and locked it behind him.

Bill was sitting at his desk, his robe on, hair still damp from the shower. "Missed you for dinner."

"I ate in the mess." Saul ambled slowly over to Bill's desk and sat down opposite him. "How'd it go today?"

Bill took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes. "The same as it always does. Equal parts wonderful and infuriating. In other words, marriage."

Saul knew he was trying to make a joke, but it didn't quite work for him. Maybe he should just leave, his good luck with the guards be damned.

Bill was playing absently with his wedding ring, but the picture was off the desk. That was a start, at least.

"Do you ever regret going through with it? The divorce?"

Bill stopped playing with the ring but didn't meet Saul's eyes. "I regret that it ended the way it did. I wish we'd tried to… resolve things in a different way."

"But it wasn't really your decision, was it?" 

Bill did look at him then. "No, it wasn't. It ended on her terms. She deserved to have it end on her terms. I did nothing to deserve any better."

"So, if you'd had your way, would it have gone on like it was?"

Bill lowered his head onto his hands, tangling his fingers in his hair. "Saul, today has been—" 

"Just tell me, Bill." Saul hadn't intended for this all to come out, but he couldn't hold it in for much longer. 

"It was a long time ago, Saul. Aren't we past that?"

"I just want to know." Saul got up. "Then I'll leave." He took a deep breath. "If you had had to make a choice yourself…?" He left it hanging, unable to voice the next word _who_.

Bill was quiet. Then, he said, "Saul, I did make a choice."

That wasn't what he'd expected to hear. The deck seemed to pitch under him and Saul put his hand on Bill's desk. 

"I made my choice eighteen years ago."

"Then why?"

Bill sat back in his chair. "Saul, she got ten years. You have the rest of my life." He stood and crossed over to Saul. "I keep the ring to remind me. I could have been a better husband. I can always be better. A better father. A better Commander." He took Saul's left hand in his and brought it up to his lips. "A better…" He kissed the ring finger. "I love you, Saul. This one day a year just gets me. Can you forgive me?"

Saul cupped Bill's cheek with his other hand and drew him in for a kiss. "Of course."

As he and Bill made their way over to the bed, Saul thought he caught a glimpse of a blonde hair out of the corner of his eye, but it had to be his imagination.


End file.
